I have a coffee pot - it processes grounds. 
When it percolates, it makes strange sounds. 
The liquid varies in its shades of browns. 
Until I drink some, my poor head pounds. 

I have a microwave - it gets food hot. 
In the middle of the food is a frozen spot. 
If you forget food is there, it will eventually rot. 
Do I use it very often?  You would think not. 

I have a big mail box - lots of junk it will hold. 
All the junk mail sits in the corner getting old. 
Some of it lays flat and some of it I fold, 
Into the wood stove on the days that are cold. 

I have a nice house - it always calms my fears. 
A place where to express joy or cry my tears. 
I never worry that the taxes will go in arrears. 
It will be paid for in 30 more years! 
 

My Dad turns 70 on September 4th and plans to never own a computer. I don't get to talk to him as often as I would like and I do occasionally take some time to drop a letter in the mail, but I often wonder if he were computer savvy if my letters to him would not resemble the sample below: 

Dear Dad . . . long time no post! Jim and I are doing fine. Angeleye@cyberhighway.net has started her sophomore year of high school. We have not heard from K_eye80@hotmail.com but she should be dropping me an "E" as soon as her laptop is registered.  

It is hard to believe that summer is over and fall cleaning is upon us again. Time to go into the old web site and clean up some extraneous unused HTML tags. Not sure what to do with the summer clothes once we bring out the winter ones. Do you know of any web sites that offer free storage? I think it will only take up 600 M.B.  

Jim is thinking of upgrading to a 56 K modem - you know how he loves those racier models! We are trying to find a dealer in town that will take a trade-in on our 33.6. It runs great and has never needed any repairs, but our family has outgrown it. Perhaps some teenager with internet access or an older couple who only cruise on Sundays would be interested.  

Getting ready to redecorate the old homestead as well. Cannot seem to decide on what wallpaper though. Jim leans towards *.jpg backgrounds and I lean towards *.gif. I like things animated and he likes them simple. I think if you are going to spend a lot of time in a room, it should be lively, especially if it is a chat room!  

Never got around to taking a summer vacation this year but we may take it this fall. Looking for good casino sites to play. One really gets tired of the same screens day in and day out.  

Really miss your smiling face icon. Maybe someday we can get the whole family on line. Got to log off now . . . if I am late for internet bingo, I will not find a seat!  

Love,  

Lindaru & Family@cyberhighway.net ;~) 

***** 

For any of you who enjoy Babylon Five, you may get a kick out of this first limerick I wrote recently.  

 

I have a little cybersheep who lives in my computer,   
As far as virtual animals go, nothing could be cuter!   

He eats and sleeps and plays - is quite an animated fellow!   
He's less than an inch high and his wool is banana yellow!   

I love my little cybersheep, soon he will take a trip afar . . .   
'Cause that ornary little horned devil just took a whiz on my clean task bar!   

 

'My job sucks,' said the disgruntled vacuum salesman.  

'Well, my job is the pits,' explained the fruit picker.  

'My job has little security,' added the lock maker.  

'I have the most boring job in the world,' stated the drill operator.  

'I have no interest in staying in my job,' the banker put in.  

The computer programmer stretched and yawned. 'I think I will go home and crash.'  
 

 

Why do they call it chocolate mousse when it has no antlers or fir?  

Why do they call it a rat tail comb when the plastic creature won't stir?  

Why does corn have ears and a potato have eyes?  

Everyone knows shoes don't grow on trees!  

But the most perplexing thing of them all,  

Are those markets that specialize in fleas!  
  

'Unable to connect to host'  

Is what the message said.

Will not rise from the dead.

But all I got for my trouble was error message chimes.  

Again it flashed across the screen  

'Unable to connect to host'.

This computer is now toast!

Now I power me down to sleep.  

I pray the User my programs to keep.

I pray that copies the User did make.

Imagine a world where FAX machines only transmitted the facts.  

Imagine that your paycheck pays you more than it withholds in tax!

But the information highway has too many on-off ramps.

Childproof bottles and lighters can be mastered by any kid.

I think I'll shut the alarm clock off and pull the covers over my head.

I'm having a bad hair day . . . my locks are such a mess!  

Gnarls and rats are bedded down in strands that make a nest.

I have a stubborn cow lick that a cow wouldn't claim for its own.

I think I'll stick my head in the sink and start all over again.

 

Doctors say to get plenty of 'C' along with your daily vitamins.  

As for me, I get plenty of chocolate, coffee and candy every day!

Let's picnic at Printing Press Park!  

It's really a fun place to be . . .

It's five foot by seven foot three!

But come on! It's a blooming lark!

When you picnic at Printing Press Park.

Peas porridge hot . . . peas porridge cold . . .  

Peas porridge in the fridge growing mold.

To the pharmaceutical it's just been sold.

Feed the peas porridge to the laboratory mice.

Buy your stocks today 'cause it's worth more than gold!

This weekend I am going to sleep in late,  

Take a hike, lose some weight,

Ride my bike,

And grocery shop, do all the errands 'til I'm ready to drop . . .

Next weekend I'll read a book,   

Shop for clothes, change my look,

Enjoy a rose,

And mow the lawn, do all the laundry 'til Sunday is gone.

There's always the weekend after that.  

Latte stands are the grown-up's version of the ice cream truck.  

 

This position requires proficiency in multilinear transdimensional omniphasic synchronicity.*  

 *(The ability to be everywhere at once.)  

My many moods surround my soul,  
Like a rainbow encircling the earth . . .  
I don't know where they came from,  
They must have been rooted from birth.  

More frequently than the weather they change,  
From foggy to stormy to bright.  
They encompass all colors and textures,  
From fragile to rough to light.  

My many moods intersperse my day,  
Like butterflies around my garden.  
For my more positive moods, enjoy!  
For my negative ones, please beg my pardon!  

It's not my typographical error,  
But I think I know who it was.  
Last night as we all left the office,  
I heard a faint electronic buzz.  

The room went dark and time stood still,  
A beam of light encompassed the place.  
The paper that I typed for you . . .  
Was slowly sucked up into space.  

It was abducted by an alien space craft,  
Probably humanoid creatures,  
Who studied the freshly typed paper,  
Trying to discern its features.  

They sampled and tested it over and over,  
Oh, the puzzled look on their face!  
Finally they constructed a copy,  
Taking the original with them in space.  

On their home planet they will decode it . . .  
But before they sped off into space,  
They sent down the crude duplicate copy . . .  
To be left in the original's place.  

Since they knew not what they transcribed . . .  
On the cleverly designed fake,  
You can see why I stand here telling you . . .  
It wasn't me who made the mistake!  

Bitmaps noun (plural) Little bits in your computer use these complicated to read and hard to fold back to its original form devices to determine where they need to travel to make an artistic statement.  

Mouse noun A computer rodent that lives on a pad and is connected by an umbilical cord to your computer. It never eats cheese and is generally not frightening in appearance. Also, it does not make holes in the walls.  

Wallpaper noun A totally unwashable background inside of your computer available in a wide variety of patterns and colors. While children cannot mark it up with crayons, they may be able to destroy it by using the paint program inside of the computer.  

Cursor noun The guiding hand of the computer, most generally shaped like an arrow. This item may become frustrating to you when applications are running slowly; thus, causing you to become a 'cursor' yourself.  

Tools noun (plural) While these are not kept in a conventional metal box, they can be just as easy to misplace. Be assured that you cannot accidentally injure body parts with these; however, it is possible to cause major disability to parts of your computer if used improperly.  

Pixels noun (plural) Fairy-like creatures with cute hair cuts and pointed shoes who live in your computer control panel, holding up colorful cards and standing close together to create a visual image on your screen.  

E-Mail me below if you have any witties and ditties of your own that you would like me to add to my page!  

 

 
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